Spirit Growing Faint

This goes to all who are in pain – not just physically. Coming across posts in social media, I learned that there are so many souls that are hurting. I wish I could help ease the pain, but my words will never be enough. Sometimes, even friends and family’s support won’t be enough, either. I just pray and hope that these souls would eventually find the Light so these dark clouds looming inside their heads will eventually clear up. And they can breathe the beauty and freshness of Life again- as it should always be.

No amount of words can comfort a depressed soul.

Prayer helps but we must also accept that sometimes God’s delay is inevitable. During these times, when the person feels that God’s presence does not seem to linger, a person can only wallow in his thoughts, until a whisper of realization hit him. Until the breath of comfort, grace and hope blankets the person.

The in-betweens of waiting, of just being still, those are the hardest moments. You can only say so much for that person. He could only listen.

These moments of in-betweens, the only thing a depressed spirit can do is to fight. In any way. If fighting means as superficial as trying to be pretty. Working out. Listening to music. Reconnecting with his/her faith. Walking with the Lord. Just FIGHT it.

To you who walk the earth as if a cloud constantly looms over your head, as if hope is a light that goes on and off, FIGHT it. Never give in to unnecessary thoughts. Just try to be happy. Even if it means faking it. Or as they say, “Fake it til you make it.” And fight whenever the light of hope starts running off again.

A lot of people may never, and perhaps will never, understand you. It might seem that you have everything in life or that you have everything under control. But you are aware that every now and then, your mind would helplessly wander back to the things you don’t have. To the unseen lowest depths of your being. You may be happy yet you feel empty inside.

I won’t tell you to look ahead, that does not help, does it? Looking ahead means looking at a blur. At a foggy portal to the tomorrow you think you never have. To a place where you think you will never be.

So no, please. Never tell a depressed soul to look ahead because often, they do not see what’s ahead of them. They only see the “now” and the “now” is dark. But know this: That dark moment will pass. It will pass. 🙂

At the end of the day, the support, advice and presence of the people around you may never enough. It is crucial not to solely depend your healing on OTHERS alone. It is up to you to SAVE yourself. If I may use this quote I got off the internet,

“People can only do so much as to save you. In the end, SAVING yourself has to be YOUR choice.” – Rubyann

When the clouds start clearing up, and you see the blue sky once again, you feel the ray of sunshine on your face, the smell of the morning air, DECIDE. Make SAVING yourself a choice.

Day 5 Miss Right

After several months of talking to his mysterious girl online, he decided to meet her. And the best thing was that she agreed to it.

He had been crushing on this mysterious girl for months. They both forgot how, when and where they ended up talking, they just did.

She was nice, accommodating, decent and every nice words he could come up with. He had lost interest in any other real girl because of this girl. His friends make fun of him a lot for being a good boy nowadays.

He smirked as he silently thought, “Yeah, maybe I’m a good boy now.”

—————

The girl chose the place and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he arrived at the restaurant situated on the 30th floor of a corporate building. The place is too…posh for him.

He’s a scruffy guy in his late 20s clad in his black pants and a Guns N Roses black shirt with a red plaid long sleeves plus a black leather jacket. He had his work backpack on his back, a mobile phone on his right hand, a special gift on his left hand and a piece of rose in his mouth to complete his idiot look.

One wait staff assisted him upon entrance and asked if he had put any reservation. Before he could even answer, he saw a woman he so earnestly hated seated at the farthest table. He picked up his phone to call his date while he tried very hard to hide his face from his boss.

“Hello? Where are you?”

That’s the first time they called each other so he was surprised to hear the familiar voice. He looked up from the reception’s desk to find that very same woman sitting at the farthest table talking on the phone.

“Hello, are you there?”

Without a glance, he stormed out of the restaurant and ran for his life.

—————-

He was in the park bench sitting, his mouth practically hanging open for a few minutes now. He couldn’t believe that the boss they all hated is his ideal girl.

How is she so different? At work, she always thinks she’s right that’s why all the guys at work call her Miss Right. Well aren’t we right about that subject- she turned up to be my Miss Right. Or is she?

 Also, she seemed so stiff at work, so strict and she rarely smiles.  Well, she’s almost the only girl among all the staff in the company so she probably put up a brave front.

He scratched his head again due to annoyance. He’s having a debate with his own thoughts.

He turned off his phone because he knew she would call. He decided that it’s best for her not to know him. After all, she wouldn’t like him anyway because the things that she has  were the same things he does not have in his life- fame, money, power.

When he arrived home, he found a couple of messages on his phone.

I might have scared you, huh? It’s okay, I understand. Everybody else in the office is scared of me. But you shouldn’t let a lady wait for nothing.

Next time you meet someone, please be kind enough to tell the lady if you’re not interested in coming. You see, that lady might have given up a lot of things that day for a few hours of meeting you. *she puts a smiley* Also, I don’t think there is a need for us to talk again since we both knew by now that I am not really that interesting to you.

His heart felt heavy. He was so confused as to who or what kind of girl she is. She was too different online and in real world.

Still, he felt really sorry for not turning up but he knew it was for the best.

Why Is Stillness Scary?

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

When the sea is calm, it can be quite eerie.

A few months back, I went to my hometown with a good friend to visit some islands.

There were basically 4 people in a small fisherman boat – 2 boatmen, me and my friend. We left the port at 7 am and luckily, the sea was calm. So calm that about an hour into the sea, we suddenly felt something was quite different.

Everything was perfect – the wind was still, the place was quite, the boat is stable and it was glassy on water.

Psalm 107:29 – He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

That stillness of the water scared me. There was no wind, there was no wave…just pure calmness.

And THAT freaked me out.

The same way I cannot stay still when something chaotic is happening to me. I need to do something, I need to solve the problem, I need to hurry. I have a lot of things on my mind that I worry too much. I forget the most important thing – to look at Jesus, put my worries in His hands and be STILL.

I am not saying that we actually don’t do anything and just lie down and wait. What we need is prayer – heartfelt prayer to God so He could open our eyes to what we should do – in His way, not our way.

Why is stillness scary?

Let’s face it – we are used to not being still. Personally, I used to fear when everything is going so smoothly because I would always think something is surely going to go wrong. What an awful way of thinking, right?

Then I learned that I should put all my worries to God and just put my TRUST in HIM.

Why are we scared to be still?

It must be because we lack faith. If we have more faith in the Lord, we won’t worry about such things. We fail to see the beauty and stillness that’s right in front of us because we are too busy thinking about what’s coming ahead.

In Mark 4:39-40, Jesus asked His disciples about being afraid of the turbulent:

And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. And He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

At that moment, I failed to appreciate the stillness of the sea because I lack faith. Because if I have sufficient faith, I know that Jesus will not let anything happen to me. After all, He can command the waves and the wind and they  would obey Him. After all, He has the authority over nature.

So the next time you are overwhelmed with worries and fears, remember Jesus when he rebuked the wind and sea. Remember Him as he asked, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

With Jesus, nothing is impossible. All we need is faith in Him.