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Spirit Growing Faint

This goes to all who are in pain – not just physically. Coming across posts in social media, I learned that there are so many souls that are hurting. I wish I could help ease the pain, but my words will never be enough. Sometimes, even friends and family’s support won’t be enough, either. I just pray and hope that these souls would eventually find the Light so these dark clouds looming inside their heads will eventually clear up. And they can breathe the beauty and freshness of Life again- as it should always be.

No amount of words can comfort a depressed soul.

Prayer helps but we must also accept that sometimes God’s delay is inevitable. During these times, when the person feels that God’s presence does not seem to linger, a person can only wallow in his thoughts, until a whisper of realization hit him. Until the breath of comfort, grace and hope blankets the person.

The in-betweens of waiting, of just being still, those are the hardest moments. You can only say so much for that person. He could only listen.

These moments of in-betweens, the only thing a depressed spirit can do is to fight. In any way. If fighting means as superficial as trying to be pretty. Working out. Listening to music. Reconnecting with his/her faith. Walking with the Lord. Just FIGHT it.

To you who walk the earth as if a cloud constantly looms over your head, as if hope is a light that goes on and off, FIGHT it. Never give in to unnecessary thoughts. Just try to be happy. Even if it means faking it. Or as they say, “Fake it til you make it.” And fight whenever the light of hope starts running off again.

A lot of people may never, and perhaps will never, understand you. It might seem that you have everything in life or that you have everything under control. But you are aware that every now and then, your mind would helplessly wander back to the things you don’t have. To the unseen lowest depths of your being. You may be happy yet you feel empty inside.

I won’t tell you to look ahead, that does not help, does it? Looking ahead means looking at a blur. At a foggy portal to the tomorrow you think you never have. To a place where you think you will never be.

So no, please. Never tell a depressed soul to look ahead because often, they do not see what’s ahead of them. They only see the “now” and the “now” is dark. But know this: That dark moment will pass. It will pass. 🙂

At the end of the day, the support, advice and presence of the people around you may never enough. It is crucial not to solely depend your healing on OTHERS alone. It is up to you to SAVE yourself. If I may use this quote I got off the internet,

“People can only do so much as to save you. In the end, SAVING yourself has to be YOUR choice.” – Rubyann

When the clouds start clearing up, and you see the blue sky once again, you feel the ray of sunshine on your face, the smell of the morning air, DECIDE. Make SAVING yourself a choice.

Why Is Stillness Scary?

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

When the sea is calm, it can be quite eerie.

A few months back, I went to my hometown with a good friend to visit some islands.

There were basically 4 people in a small fisherman boat – 2 boatmen, me and my friend. We left the port at 7 am and luckily, the sea was calm. So calm that about an hour into the sea, we suddenly felt something was quite different.

Everything was perfect – the wind was still, the place was quite, the boat is stable and it was glassy on water.

Psalm 107:29 – He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

That stillness of the water scared me. There was no wind, there was no wave…just pure calmness.

And THAT freaked me out.

The same way I cannot stay still when something chaotic is happening to me. I need to do something, I need to solve the problem, I need to hurry. I have a lot of things on my mind that I worry too much. I forget the most important thing – to look at Jesus, put my worries in His hands and be STILL.

I am not saying that we actually don’t do anything and just lie down and wait. What we need is prayer – heartfelt prayer to God so He could open our eyes to what we should do – in His way, not our way.

Why is stillness scary?

Let’s face it – we are used to not being still. Personally, I used to fear when everything is going so smoothly because I would always think something is surely going to go wrong. What an awful way of thinking, right?

Then I learned that I should put all my worries to God and just put my TRUST in HIM.

Why are we scared to be still?

It must be because we lack faith. If we have more faith in the Lord, we won’t worry about such things. We fail to see the beauty and stillness that’s right in front of us because we are too busy thinking about what’s coming ahead.

In Mark 4:39-40, Jesus asked His disciples about being afraid of the turbulent:

And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Hush, be still.” And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm. And He said to them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

At that moment, I failed to appreciate the stillness of the sea because I lack faith. Because if I have sufficient faith, I know that Jesus will not let anything happen to me. After all, He can command the waves and the wind and they  would obey Him. After all, He has the authority over nature.

So the next time you are overwhelmed with worries and fears, remember Jesus when he rebuked the wind and sea. Remember Him as he asked, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

With Jesus, nothing is impossible. All we need is faith in Him.

Day 3 Lot in Street 49: Open For Business

She arrived at the place exactly 4 in the afternoon. The sun was almost hiding near the horizon, its orange red streaks bursting through the clouds.

She heaved a sigh as she got off the cab.

“This location is too far for a showroom.” Good thing her friends Cathy and May weren’t there or else they would see her furrowed brow.

The building was not entirely new but it looked pretty decent. The facade was made of vintage bricks and there were exactly three floors in it. “Well at least she knows how to pick the right place that’d go well with her business.”

She went up the staircase to the 3rd floor. Passing through the hallway and empty units, she arrived in a huge room filled with mannequins wearing Cathy’s eco-friendly products, clothing and vintage-designed jewelry pieces.

She opened the glass door and scanned the entire area.

“This place is huge!” She was impressed.

How can she possibly afford this place when she has just started.

She went further up to find a door to another room. There she saw Cathy and May having coffee together.

“Cathy! Congratulations!” She exclaimed. They both turned to her direction and stood up to hug her.

” Jenny! I thought you’d never come. So…what do you think?”

“This place is pretty and huge, isn’t this expensive?” she asked.

May shook her head. “I actually was about to ask her that same question. This place is no joke!”

“Whatever, you guys. It’s not as expensive as you think. I met the owner of the place, we talked for a while, I negotiated the rent, he didn’t require any advance payments, just the monthly lease so after I knew it, I was signing the papers and moving my items.”

May looked happy. Jenny had some knowledge on real estate so she remained unconvinced. When the place is expensive, it must be because the location is good for business. If it’s cheap for its property size…

“I’ll get you your coffee, Jenny.”

That cut her off from what she was thinking. She was about to ask Cathy a question but she was already out of the room before Jenny could even speak.

She turned to her other friend May.

“May, have you seen the entire place? Is there a balcony or something?”

May looked at her curiously. “Yeah. Cathy said there’s a balcony down the hall, we are about to have a look later. Why?”

Jenny hurriedly went out of the showroom with May in tow.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” May sounded worried.

“I..I don’t know…there’s just something off. Something were missing…”

They arrived at the balcony overlooking the view at the back of the building. What they saw completely surprised them. It was a huge barren land and a few meters on the left of the barren land, almost covered by the trees, stood a relic of what used to be a huge school.

The setting sun could not be seen from the back. Light was almost gone. They could hear the leaves rustling in the wind. At this time of the day, this place could get eerily quiet.

“Jenny…look at this,” May gave her phone to her.

Jenny looked at May’s phone. The phone screen displayed a news clipping from 10 years ago.

It read, “Hundreds of kids trapped inside a burning dormitory school in Street 49 of Diamond County.”

Slowly, Jenny and May looked at each other. Fear was apparent on both of their faces. May looked like she was about to cry.

“Let’s get out of this place before it gets dark.”

 


 

Aah! I hope the next day challenge is much lighter and happier than this.

This was from a dream and remembering it still creeps me out. Took me a long time to finish. :/

All characters are fictional, so as the names of the places. Any similarity with real people or place is unintentional.