It’s funny when you pray and ask God for guidance. If you do and you ask for it wholeheartedly, prepare for His answer. It may not come in a way you’re expecting it. It is crucial then that when you ask for guidance, you open your heart, mind and soul for whatever is His will.
I just recently asked Him to guide me make a decision either to stay in the current job or pursue another one. You see, I was happy with my current job and I had all the reasons to love it- great pay, fewer workload, awesome and very caring boss, more time for family and friends and other time to do side jobs and most importantly I was enjoying what I was doing. I loved waking up in the morning and checking work and doing it. My disposition was always positive that I pitied people who hate Mondays because unlike them, I LOVE Mondays. I’m looking forward to working again.
I had no reason to leave my job except that I felt (and still feel) some emptiness. I just feel like there is something missing. I cannot explain it, but there’s that tiny whisper inside that says there’s something else out there.
Some people can hear God quite clearly. In my case, I’m probably deaf to His calls, or I need to work more on my relationship with Him. I just couldn’t figure things out.
Still I stayed because, like a relationship, everything’s going well and I had nothing to complain about. I’ve been in it for years and it is too hard for me to move on, I just don’t want to leave especially if I had no reason to.
So I prayed to him that if this is where he wanted me, I’d stay. In fact, I’m completely grateful to him because a lot of people wanted to have the job that I have. I told Him, however, that if he thinks there’s something else better for me, then He’d guide my heart and nudge me when it’s time.
After several months of so many changes in the organization which eventually led to my previous boss being reassigned to a different department, I’m now left with a lot of wrong people. It came to a point in where i said ‘I’ve had enough of this’. I’m not a quitter, I really am not but I know when it’s time to quit.
I realized that all the reasons I have for staying are now completely gone. I’ve been sleeping weirdly, I had no time to do errands, I hate clocking in to work, I hate everyday meetings, I don’t like having to work like a slave where I keep chasing impossible deadlines, I had no time for workout and I lost 6-8 lbs. My health is dropping, I’m getting more irritable and I think I’m down with depression. Almost all my hours are spent working.
It’s like waking up from the reality that I have all the right reasons to leave. God made it easier for me this time to make a decision, kind of like a no-brainer. and it’s not like I didn’t try to make it work. I did, but the happiness and contentment I once felt for my job were all gone.
Where Should I Go?
I initially considered that if this work would ask me a lot of things like time and health, then i might as well go to an office-based job where my boss would ask me the same things. At least I’d be working face to face with real people and be exposed in an open environment.
And then it hit me…
It’s not where my heart is. It’s not where i find my value. Going back to the corporate world is like chasing the end of the hamster’s wheel, eating a vomit, serving a master I once hated so much. My current job and the job that I want are like…two jellybeans with two different flavors. They taste different but they’re both jellybeans just the same.
I want protein bars! Those healthy ones, healthy for my spiritual growth.
That’s the only thing I know. I still had no idea where to go.
I also thought so much about living and working outside the country, experiencing the world and be with myself only. But then I thought, it does sound like a sugarcoated vomit? Like a master dressed in a different robe but still the very same master I once hated for being a slave-driver and greedy.
Then one day, for no reason at all, I found myself in a website for lay missionaries and actually realized I just downloaded the application form.
When I think about being a lay missionary, I thought about all the things I would lose. I’d have no income for two years, I’d have no connection to my friends and family, I’d be missing travels and weekend nights with friends, I’d lose my fair complexion and prpbably all the skin care products, I’d be exposed in a very different world.
That is soo scary and uncomfortable and not as secured. I’d be giving up the comforts of my home to serve and take care of people I do not know.
The main and probably ONLY advantage is: I’d be serving the boss whom I (and we all) should be serving – the Lord.
And that’s what makes it so much more appealing to me.
I’d be meeting people in the church, in a less developed community, talking with different kinds of people and testing my faith in struggling situations.
What would happen to me in 2 years? Would it better me as a person? Would it bring me closer to God? Would it change my perspectives in life and serving the people?
I have no idea. All I know is THIS is the change I think I wanted. And my heart agrees with it.
I have a lot of fears and hesitations but I think if someone would ask me right here and now if I’d go with them in a far flung areas to be a missionary, my answer would be ‘when do we leave?’